"I prayed to you, Cas. Every night."

"I know."

welp. didn’t need that heart anyway.

My tax situation, as summarized by heyheyrenay. Startlingly accurate, followed by this when I discover how awful self-employment taxes are:

Please note that last year I managed to file in 4 states (FOUR STATES, I filed in 8% of all the states) with itemized federal deductions for medical expenses (BOY HOWDY WERE THERE EVER MEDICAL EXPENSES), all on my own. Even after that, this year I am just stumped.

Quick sketch as I try to get into drawing for myself more. Was meant to be a Belgae/Belgic lady warrior to match the Belgic horse, but oh well, I sort of like whatever it turned into. References [horse] [body (general reference)] [armour, from here]

5 things that make you happy, and/or 5 years in history that stand out?

( sorry I took so long on this one, theoreticalconstruct … I had a really crappy week )

SO THESE ARE ACTUALLY BOTH HARD? For very different reasons! But hey, let’s do both. Years first, because PEDANT

Okay. This is again years that are significant to me, not like top 5 most important years in history, screw that, who am I to know. Anyway!

  • 397 CE, because St. Augustine started writing his Confessions then and I am ANGRY WITH ST. AUGUSTINE FOR LIFE. This man’s peen drama ruined western views on sex and sexuality and we are still living in the nuclear winter of his manpain. OPINIONS. But seriously this man’s obsession with the sin of lust ruined everything. He makes me SO ANGRY. You can shove your City of God; I don’t care. Ugh.

… I’m sorry, I am just so eternally pissed at this man and his issues that I am having trouble coming up with four more years. Screw that guy so hard, jesus.

Stuff that makes me happy! SO actually this is hard because I have hella depression and it can be pretty hard for me to figure out what actually makes me happy? But it’s a good exercise for me! So.

  • Making stuff for people. Art. Food. Places to play and exchange fanly gifts! Spaces to archive their fanwork. Stories. Surprises. I tend to measure my own worth through what I do for others, and if I can make someone else happy, this generally makes me happy =D

  • Weather. Oh man I love weather. And not just good weather — I love a good storm or gross foggy day or whatever. I may not want to be out in it for very long but almost any kind of weather is fascinating and aesthetically appealing to me in some way. Yes, I am one of those people who runs around during thunderstorms. Barefoot. Yeah. Also if you throw space weather into the mix basically I am set.

  • Chocolate; also tart fruit and berries. A simple hedonistic pleasure! My method: buy an obscene number of Trader Joe’s Pound Plus milk chocolate bars. Break 2 lines into a cup. Microwave until chocolate is liquid (30 sec intervals, stir between). Eat liquid chocolate! I basically don’t each solid chocolate anymore >.> For fruit and berries, the less ripe the better. I love me some ridiculously sour nibbles, well beyond what most people find pleasant or even tolerable and nope, don’t care, more for me!

  • Animals. I have three cats and a dog and I love them to freaking pieces (even if I have somehow magically developed allergies to half of them). I love goats! And snakes! And birds! And fennec foxes! And otters! And ferrets and basically all furry mammals and most birds and reptiles and lots of fish and many insects and yeah, basically animals. Just being around animals. Yes.

  • Being happy. No, really. Weird answer maybe but! Yeah, it’s the depression thing. Happiness and depression are not opposites, but they sure are related. I have a hard time getting happy, but I also have a hard time noticing when I’m happy — my emotional self-monitoring is pretty screwed up. But small moments of happiness really, really help. Even if they don’t last. Even if they’re not huge. It really helps to remember that it’s possible, and within my reach. Depression is full of feedback loops, and this is one of the less shitty ones: for me, being happy makes it easier to be happy again, or more, or more often.

Okay fine I lied about the 5 years in history thing. I just seriously get super mad about Augustine okay.

  • 1837, the year Russian poet and shit-stirrer Aleksandr Pushkin died from a duel. Like a lot of people who were immigrant kids, I have a pretty complicated relationship with my country of origin. As an adult one of the things that I sort of perpetually mourn is how I can’t really share the sheer beauty of the Russian language with most people and Pushkin is a fucking master of this. Anytime I want to feel bad about my translation skills I just pull up some Pushkin. People call him the Russian Shakespeare, and that’s a decent comparison, but honestly I’m surprised there isn’t a Russian version of American Pie about his death (the song, not the movie). He was fascinating on sociopolitical level as well as a creative one and hey, a thing like nobody talks about these days is that his great-grandfather was African (and a pretty interesting dude in his own right). I also like to consider aspects of his work transformative. Basically this is my day the music died.

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f-l-e-u-r-d-e-l-y-s:

Shintaro Ohata  Seamlessly Blends Sculpture and Canvas to Create 3D Paintings

When first viewing the artwork of Shintaro Ohata up close it appears the scenes are made from simple oil paints, but take a step back and you’re in for a surprise. Each piece is actually a hybrid of painted canvas and sculpture that blend almost flawlessly in color and texture to create a single image.

22. 5 favorite celebrities >D >D >D
heyheyrenayAsked by heyheyrenay

OKAY LOOK I KNOW EXACTLY WHY YOU PICKED THIS ONE

I’ll get there okay

he’s on the list. I’m not leaving him off just to spite you

just

not immediately

Anyway. As usual I have to nitpick the interpretation of the question (how is ‘celebrity’ defined? favourite in what sense?), so in this case I’m looking at people who are currently alive and in the public eye, and I’m going with… personal picks: people who I personally follow or who mean something to me in a positive way, rather than my opinions on like THE awesomest celebrities out there right now. Though clearly I think these people are pretty awesome.

I also have a complicated relationship with celebrity culture. It makes me uncomfortable in terms of horrible media/news being horrible, invasiveness, privacy, and idolization, even as I’ve tentatively started participating in it (rather than just living in it). So this is a bit weird for me, but here goes, in no particular order!

  • Neil deGrasse Tyson. My respect for this man is boundless. I grew up in a very astrophysical family; Carl Sagan was a family associate, through mutual friendship with Kip Thorne, and I believe intensely in both a scientifically literate populace and in the stupendous wonder of astrophysics and cosmology in particular. These are the fields my grandfather works in. The first childrens’ book I remember having was this one when I was about 6-7, and it caused a lifelong terror and fascination. I studied physics fervently and for a long time. I look up to Neil deGrasse Tyson more than I can describe, as a scientist, educator, and human being. The sort of work he does in advocating for scientific literacy can be thankless but is so, so important. Basically this man is amazing. Thank you, Neil.

  • Orlando Jones. Aside from being involved with an awesome show, Orlando Jones is modeling some amazing interaction between media creators and fandom. The way he engages with fandom in a respectful manner (and especially in acknowledging and being considerate of female fans) has been a breath of fresh air in an industry that is becoming inundated with fanboy auteurs who range from distant or flawed to downright misogynist fuckmuppets (lookin at you, Moffat). Orlando Jones is also publicly, shamelessly fannish (see also his thoughts on identifying as a fangirl, and his response to appropriation concerns in the transcript of his OTW chat). He is helping legitimize fandom from every direction, seems to be a genuinely nice person, and incidentally ships the thing. Thank you, theorlandojones.

  • Misha Collins. Okay heyheyrenay , here he fucking is. This one is complicated for me, because Misha is one of the more visibly complicated guys, i.e. I see him fuck up. He’s an incorrigible troll and not always in a good or entertaining way, he’s privileged and only aware of it most of the time, and his attitude towards fandom is much better than most but still a bit too far on the trolly side for me to not side-eye at least a little. However, he also seems to be a genuinely giving, engaged, and sensitive person. He will have none of your gender role nonsense, holds original and entertaining events to engage with and mobilize his fans, and does a ton of charity work, not just financially but directly. He openly questions the bullshit misogyny on his show… and yet chooses to remain on it, which I don’t see as an entirely positive thing despite how much I love him being there (he would, after all, have a decent amount of leverage in threatening to walk if they didn’t cut the crap). He’s weird and genuinely fascinating to me and was definitely my gateway drug into celebrity culture and basically I curse the day I became aware of him and yet also do honestly think he’s pretty neat. (Especially when Nay insists on sending me devastatingly distracting pictures of him.) Despite the other awesome people on this list, he’s without a doubt the celebrity who takes up the biggest chunk of my brain and attention. The asshole. But thank you anyway, Misha.

  • Daniel Radcliffe. I don’t think I’ve ever seen/noticed an actor who so consistently refuses to engage in homophobic or transphobic bullshit and instead sends that nonsense right back where it came from. He’s a huge supporter of gay rights and education, with personal support and contributions to the Trevor Project and is generally a loud, no nonsense, and yet unfailingly gracious ally. I’m not really sure what to say other than to throw a bunch of links at people and just go “look, look, he is so nice that it hurts”. I mean, he’s not perfect either (could an actually-queer actor not have played Allen Ginsberg? I always question people who take on roles like that), but he is such an overwhelmingly positive presence anywhere he goes that I can’t help but admire him. Thank you, Daniel.

  • Janelle Monáe. Possibly my favourite performing artist right now, and certainly one of the most interesting. Now, this is maybe a bit odd to say in this context, but I’m less a fan of her music, qua music, but rather of her work as a whole — music, video, message. I actually nominated her for a Hugo award. A lot of her message is possibly more directly aimed at people who aren’t me, but it resonates with me all the same — not to mention how great it is to have people like her out there. But. But. “Even if it makes others uncomfortable I will love who I am.” This is maybe the most important message a celebrity could deliver to me, personally. Me. Not as a fan, a scientifically-minded person, a queer person. But to me as someone who is flawed and struggles with self-love, just like so many others do. Thank you, Janelle.

  • And an honorable group mention to all the celebs, especially the women, who have lately been putting up with zero sexist bullshit from the media. I’m going to shamelessly raid lifeofkj for examples, as she has a good collection and also is just awesome. But skimming off the top there, Scarlett Johansson, Anne Hathaway, Kate Winslet, Emma Thompson, and Cate Blanchett have all been speaking up, joined by male allies in both direct and very subtle ways. It fucking rocks and it takes a lot of courage. Thank you all.

So I realize the primary list is almost entirely male, but I felt I should be honest rather than try to put someone on here I don’t feel as strongly about, and use this as an opportunity to reflect on my media consumption and who I pay attention to, cause there are certainly tons of awesome ladies and other folks I could be paying attention to.

Keep on asking?

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